Alex Hilhorst

Fuck yeah, baby!! IT'S ON!!

I know what you're thinking. Well, maybe. If you've never been here before you're probably thinking "Who the fuck is this Alex Hilhorst kid?" If you're one of my friends or stumbled upon this site while Googling the phrase "Mass Effect 2 Best Game Ever," you're probably wondering "What about that Marvel movie marathon? That fucker only got as far as Thor and The Avengers came out two weeks ago!!"

I know, I know. Don't worry- I'm going to finish that, too. But I watched Alien last night and I just couldn't resist. So here it is: the first in a ten part series covering every single Alien, Predator and AVP film, as well as the upcoming prequel, Prometheus. Enjoy.

1. Alien (1979)

2003 Director's Cut

The Alien franchise is very dear to my heart. I was introduced to it around age 10 by my friend Sam Keller, and was instantly hooked. James Cameron's Aliens has always been, and still remains my favorite in the series, but I would cite Ridley Scott's Alien as the best film in the series. It doesn't entertain me quite like Cameron's picture, but it is the superior work of art.

Yes, Alien is indeed art, albeit a horrific, nightmare-inducing form of art, but art nonetheless. It's also one of the best films ever made, certainly one of the Top 10 in the science fiction and horror genres. So much of pop culture has been shaped by this film, especially in the aforementioned genres. Were it not for Alien, we likely never would have seen Event Horizon or played Dead Space. It is a seminal work, and anyone who belittles it because it takes place in space and features a parasitic alien life form should broaden their perspective. Sci-fi is just as important as French New Wave or Mumblecore; it's just hard for certain cinemafiles to get past the more outlandish concepts featured in these sorts of films. Though I love a wide spectrum of cinema, I am without question drawn to the fantastical and bizarre. These sorts of films speak to me more than say, a standard drama where characters just sit around pretty locales in NYC or Paris talking for 90 mins, and not because I find them boring or need my movies to feature explosions. I appreciate how sci-fi can tap into our subconscious in ways other genres cannot. Films like Alien are parables that use base emotions and concepts (i.e. fear of the unknown, fear of rape, etc.) and personifies them- literally. It may be a bit on the nose (District 9 is an allegory for Apartheid!!!!), but it works for me. (more...)

Head over to Games Abyss to read my latest editorial. Man, it feels good to write for them again and not have to keep my mouth shut because of arbitrary rules set up by halfwits named Juan Martinez. In all likelihood, my lay off and this article will prevent me from ever working for Activision again, but you know what? I don't really give a fuck. Activision is quite possibly the worst company in gaming, which is why I'm so worried about what they're doing to the beloved Call of Duty franchise.

This fall's Black Ops II is set in the future and is a follow-up to developer Treyarch's fantastic breakout hit, but will its new setting be enough to make me want to buy it? With so many great games coming out this fall, is there still a place in gamers' hearts for COD?

Click here, to read my editorial and find out what I really think.

4. Thor (2011)

I enjoyed Thor much more than I thought I would and was surprised by how solidly entertaining it was. I've never been a big fan of the character or the idea that Asgardian gods coexist with dudes in robot suits, super soldiers and big green monsters, but director Kenneth Branagh and star Chris Hemsworth have won me over. Still, like the films that preceded it, Thor falls prey to many of the same missteps and mistakes that the rest of the Marvel Cinematic Universe have made. Again, its first half is superior to its second. Just as I was more interested in Tony Stark kicking ass in Afghanistan than I was with him jostling for control of his company with Jeff Bridges, I'm more interested in the worlds of Asgard and Jotunheim and the conflict between Odin's people and the Frost Giants than Thor learning how awesome coffee is and flirting with Natalie Portman.

I think Kevin Feige, the rest of the Marvel execs and writers J. Michael Straczynski and Mark Protosevich did an excellent job of creating a (somewhat) plausible explanation for who the movie version of Thor is and where he comes from. In this version Asgard is essentially a planet filled with human-esque immortal aliens, who are at war with a neighboring planet of frosty aliens. Instead of using spaceships and the like, the Asgardians use magic and a bridge called the Bifrost to traverse the expanses of the universe. As Thor later puts it, what we call magic is essentially science to the Asgardians. I'll buy that.
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Okay, so I slacked off on this. It's May 7th and The Avengers has already come out and I've already seen it. But fuck it, I'm gonna go through with this- finish what you start, you know? So... where were we?

3. Iron Man 2 (2010)

Iron Man 2 is undoubtedly the worst film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe to date. The first film was a rousing success because it found the right balance between humor and drama, so while Robert Downey Jr.'s Tony Stark kept things light, the stakes were always pretty high. Here, director Jon Favreau goes balls-to-the-wall goofy, turning a somewhat serious superhero franchise into a raucous, slapstick comedy. I place a lot of the blame here on screenwriter Justin Theroux, whose previous screenwriting credits are comprised solely of the awesome Ben Stiller-directed comedy, Tropic Thunder. Coming off that film, I feel like Theroux channeled a lot of the humor and tone that made Tropic Thunder such an enjoyable farce, but here the formula falls flat. (more...)

2. The Incredible Hulk (2008)

I'm beginning to see a trend with these Marvel movies. It seems to me that when the suits got together and decided to go ahead with their cinematic universe initiative, part of the plan was to enlist A-list actors of superb talent to bring Marvel's iconic heroes to life. A noble effort to be sure- the better the actors, the more likely the outlandish worlds of the Marvel universe would be grounded for moviegoing audiences- but it didn't exactly pay off in spades. Like with Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk is an otherwise mediocre action film elevated by the outstanding performance of its lead, Edward Norton. In every scene you can tell how much Norton cares about the character of Bruce Banner, which makes sense as he allegedly cowrote the script with Zak Penn, though is uncredited. As with Robert Downey Jr., it almost seems as if Norton was born to play this role and he puts Eric Bana's more stiff representation to shame. Though it may not be an amazing movie, The Incredible Hulk is far superior to its predecessor, the 2003 Ang Lee-directed misfire, and smartly ignores a retelling of Banner's origin story. As Norton stated in interviews, audiences are already familiar with the story of the Hulk, thanks in large part to the 1970s TV series and a stylish opening sequence using a brief montage of images to remind us of all the basic information. (more...)

Now that I've been laid off and released by Activision from the bonds of thralldom, I can once again do something I actually enjoy: writing about videogames. That's right, I'm back at Games Abyss and free to write as many editorials and reviews as I damn well please.

First up is my take on one of this fall's (and my own) most anticipated games, Resident Evil 6. A pair of trailers and details released from publisher Capcom imply the game will marry the action-heavy explosiveness of its predecessor with the dark mansions and deserted alleyways of the original games. But with so much shit blowing up, can RE6 truly bring on the scares? Follow this link to read on, and see what I have to say about the newest installment in this long-running survival horror series.

Now that I'm once again woefully unemployed, I figured it was a better time than ever for a good ol' fashioned Alex Hilhorst countdown. In anticipation of next month's The Avengers, I've decided to watch all of the Marvel Cinematic Universe Films in chronological order. That means Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America: The First Avenger, as well as films set for release in 2013 and 2014 such as Iron Man 3, Thor 2 and Captain America 2. The Spider-Man and X-Men franchises, as well as more obscure Marvel properties such as The Punisher and Blade are not considered part of the same universe.

Let's start from the beginning:

1. Iron Man (2008)

It's interesting, to me at least, how much more I appreciate superheroes and superhero films now than I did in 2008, when the first of Marvel's "Cinematic Universe" films was released. I was mostly underwhelmed by Iron Man when I first saw it, though I attribute much of this disinterest to the bad mood I was in that day. The film isn't much better now than it was in 2008, but I enjoyed it a great deal more than I did then. When Marvel announced its new incentive, to create a series of films based of their major heroes, all of which lead up to a crossover team-up film, I was annoyed. By 2008 superhero films had saturated the film market and the excitement amongst fanboys had started to wane. As I've mentioned in previous posts, I've always found superheroes to be a little silly, though I enjoy them more now, thanks in large part to DC Comics' The New 52. Thus, I wasn't all that excited going into Iron Man that first time; any interest I had in the film was overshadowed by my barely contained excitement for The Dark Knight, and I had only a passing knowledge of the character, collated mostly from cartoon shows, random comics I'd flipped through over the years, and conversations with fans.

Looking back, I think what bothered me so much about Iron Man was how little the film tried to be anything other than good; unlike Christopher Nolan's Batman films, Iron Man didn't attempt to step outside the genre's comfort zone or push any envelopes. It was your standard origin film and everything from the villain, to the special effects to the dialogue felt like well-trodden, familiar territory. It was almost as if the unnecesarily large number of screenwriters had watched Sam Raimi's Spider-Man a couple times and decided, "Hey, let's just do that but for Tony Stark instead of Peter Parker." In fact, if it weren't for the outstanding performance of lead Robert Downey Jr., I doubt the film would have been as much of a success as it was, nor would it have received the glowing fan and critical reception it did. That is what bothered me most about the film: that it was so beloved by all, yet in my eyes, so utterly mediocre. (more...)

17 Hours Played
Galactic Readiness: 73%

Oh, Kelly Chambers. You truly are the whipping girl for the Mass Effect development team. How they love to torture you, and in turn, players such as I, who adore you.

Though a pretty minor character in the grander scheme of the Mass Effect universe, Kelly has always been one of my favorites. She’s the kindest, most thoughtful and most caring character in the saga, and this is perhaps why the developers get such a kick out of subjecting her to all manner of horrors. It bothered me that she wasn’t a true romance option in ME2, even though she’s the best female human character and the player can flirt with her incessantly; she’s also the character I most wanted to hook up with. If Kelly were a real person, I’d want to date her. Ashley? Nah. Too much Tennyson.

You can receive a sexy dance from Kelly after completing the suicide mission if she survives, but that’s it. All foreplay, no action. If you sleep with another character then no dice: Kelly doesn’t give you a dance. What did you expect, game? When you got Miranda prancing around with that ridiculous ass, you honestly expect me to hold off for Kelly? Come on. You know me better than that. (more...)

12 hours played
Galactic Readiness: 63%

SPOILER ALERT

My name is Commander Shepard, and I'm a dick.

But backtracking probably won't save a lot of the minor Citadel subquests I initiated from getting deleted. These are missions that I would dub "War Asset Missions," in that they don't really play any role in the greater plot, even less so than N7 missions, but give you new war assets and a handful of XP and credits. A lot of the instructions for these missions are vague and most are just fetch-quests, so I don't feel too bad about losing them. Even if I recover an artifact a Citdael citizen pointed me to, in all likelihood that NPC will either be dead or gone after Cerberus attacks the Citadel, and the attack will be initiated as soon as I travel there. Again, while this isn't all that important, I wish the game had found some way to warn me about this. (more...)

48 hours. That’s how long it took me. That’s how long it took me to complete my obsessive Mass Effect 2 replay after I fudged it two weeks ago and had to start from scratch. Every mission. Every piece of DLC. I explored 100% of the galaxy and read all the Codex entries. I saved every teammate. I KICKED THAT GAME’S ASS.

So finally, at long last, a week after it was actually released, I got to boot up my copy of the Mass Effect 3 N7 Collector's Edition and play it for the first time. Three hours in and I’m floored. Though I don’t play the Mass Effect series for the gameplay as much as the story, I was pleased to see how many improvements Bioware had made since ME2. ME3 is similar to its predecessor in a lot of ways, but the developer has done a great job of streamlining the combat system and expanding on tech, weapon and power upgrades. Little touches like hit markers and the addition of evasive dodge moves help to make the game seem more like a next-gen title; the relatively young ME2 now seems dated in comparison (though it’s still an amazing game).

Even though I’m in constant danger of being spoiled, putting ME3 on hold to do a complete, total playthrough of ME2 was worth it, and playing all the DLC does help to make ME3 a more rich experience. Though “Arrival” wasn’t the best DLC mission, talk of Shepard’s actions and the destruction of the Batarian colony at the start of ME3 held more wait with having actually played it. Same goes for the return of Glyph, the Shadow Broker’s VI assistant that Liara appropriated after taking over the Broker’s role in one of ME2’s DLC missions— seeing him was a nice surprise, and since I’d downloaded “Lair of the Shadow Broker” I knew who Feron was and got all the inside jokes about Glyph addressing everyone as “Shadow Broker.”

I am eager to plow through the game though, mostly because I’m intrigued/nervous by the game’s sixteen endings, which many fans are none too happy about. To be honest, I’m not that worried. Unless Casey Hudson and co. pulled a LOST and fucked everything up at the last second, I’ll probably be satisfied with however my personal epic concludes. Besides, videogame fans are the worst. Don’t try to deny it. You’re all self entitled trolls who can never be satisfied, no matter how hard the creators who provide you with entertainment try. This is why Metacritic user review scores are always filled to the brim with 0s, because fat losers like you shitheads consider a trifling thing like day one DLC to be a personal affront, and reason enough to hate a masterpiece regardless of its quality. Yes, yes, I know: everyone is entitled to their opinion. Hell, that’s why I have a blog. But this whole “controversy” about ME3’s ending reeks of trolls to me, and I don’t plan on letting it affect my own opinions on the game. (more...)